March 15, 1996

Beginning of the Road

By Dane Sorensen

My name is Dane Sorensen and I am a Chocoholic.  It has taken me years to garner the courage to admit this terrible addiction.  Every year, I spend several hundred dollars on this brown gold.  My enemy is Theobroma cacao.  That is the Latin scientific name for Chcolate.  Translated to English it means “Food of the Gods.”  If only I were a god, I could justify this habit.  I am, unfortunately, a mere mortal who squanders money on chocolate that could have gone for more worthwhile things like gambling and summer clothing. 

My psychologist has tried to reason with me.  If I could resist this earthly delight, I could save enough money to spend all three kidlets to Harvard.  Alas, I have wasted my life in pursuing the perfect chocolate fix.

My one regret of leaving my old life in Minneapolis was that I knew where all the best chocolate desserts were in the city.  At Sherlock’s Home, they make an English Toffee Chocolate Torte that is a real rush.  I estimate that each slender piece is equivalent to two squares of baker’s chocolate.  Once, I made the mistake of stopping at Sherlock’s late in the evening and had a piece of torte.  I was so ired from the caffeine that I barely slept two hours that night.  Yes, like all addictions, chocolate can really waste one’s health.  If you ever go down to Minneapolis, I recommend Sherlock’s, but make sure you only try this torte de rex on a full stomach.  If it were more potent, that would have to keep it away from folds with weak hearts. 

Joyfully, Ely does have some good sources of chocolate.  For a quick fix, I suggest a chocolate soft serve Blizzard with Butterfinger from Dairy Queen.  It will cure any mild depression caused by a lengthy winter.

Another cocoa fix is The Chocolate Moose’s own chocolate torte.  John usually has it on the chalk board.  His best cacao hit is his French Silk Pie.  Alas, it is not often on the menu.  Perhaps the Moose does not have sufficient liability insurance to justify selling the richest French Silk Pie I have ever tasted. 

A traditional dessert , that has been available for years, is Vertin’s Five Layer Pie.  The blending of peanut better with the chocolate adds an extra kick.  I can just imagine how many souls it has saved from suicide and despair.  What better way to justify your life than by helping maintain the demand for his incredible rich dessert.

At the Blue Moon Coffee House you will find Ely’s best Hot Chocolate.  Karen first steams the milk in her espresso machine.  Next comes the chocolate powder which is imported from Italy.  It is generously topped off with whipped cream and your choice of happy sprinkles or chocolate powder.  I find that two cups will really get you wired.

In moving to Ely, there is one chocolate delight that I have been deprived of.  I have found no substitute for the delectable Chocolate Cream Filled Angel Doughnuts from Dunking Doughnuts.  Not just any Dunkin Doughnut, one must go to the Brooklyn Park Dunkin Doughnuts.  It is there that they use the finest - the chocolatiest – whipped filling.  The chef fills each white powdered doughnut to the point of rupturing.  Magnificent!  These doughnuts are so good they are always the first to sell out.  I was lucky to bring back 14 on my last trip to Minneapolis.

In an effort to improve the quality of life in Ely, I donated two of my precious doughnuts to Neil Weisenger of the new Tower Bakery.  He has promised to dissect, analyze and eat these test subjects in hopes of discovering their secret.  If he succeeds, Ely will have its first food of the gods fit for breakfast.

By now you realize the serious extent of my affliction.  Many of you feel pity.  Some feel derision and a few of you secretly relate to and share my addiction.  The few compatriots I know about in Ely are sly and satiating their chocolate hunger.  To my eyes they are easy to spot.  Look for people who wait to buy up unsold Easter candy the day after Easter.  Check their freezer and see if there are not frozen candy bars hidden away.  Deep within my own freezer is a hoard of frozen chocolate cream filled angel doughnuts.  Perhaps, soon, either a cure will be found for me or Neil will be selling dozens of those angels!  Lord, give me the strength to savor chocolate!

Published March 15, 1996