Beginning of the Road
By D.C. Sorensen
Two things a gentleman should never discuss; politics and religion. However, during a presidential election year, politics becomes a religion and religion becomes political. I guess that is the essence of comedy. On the Internet you can find all the comedy you want when it comes to electing a President. Not only can you learn about Clinton, Dole and Perot, you will see some of the fanciest Web work out there.
During the Republican and Democratic Conventions you could download live audio and video. If you missed Governor so-and-so’s speech at either Convention, you could hear the whole speech at your convenience off the Net. Promises of the day, heroic biographies, compassion and glitz are all available on both candidates’ sites. Bob Dole for President is at http://www.dole96.org. The Clinton/Gore ’96 site is at http://cg96.org. After viewing their sites, I wonder when voting will be done over the Net?
That is probably what Ross Perot would like to do. He and his diminutive party have an Internet Site. It is not as fancy as Clinton’s or Dole’s, but it does explain in detail why they represent the real America. The Official Reform Party is at http://reformparty.org/.
However, I can’t ignore the other third party movement. They are definitely on the Internet for your educational enlightenment. I’m not talking about the Libertarians or Pat Paulson. They are mere curiosities. The new third party wants to elect a true Washington outsider. I mean, we are talking real change. Yes, go visit the Fidel for President ’96 Web page. This spoof site humorously communicates the reasons we should all vote for Fidel Castro. The address is: http://www.imagesmith.com/imagesmith/fidel/fidel.html. My favorite is the top ten list of reasons to help elect Fidel Castro for President. In order to give Fidel an electoral boost, here are the ten top reasons to give him your support:
10) He’d support the tobacco industry better than Dole.
9) Had nothing whatsoever to do with the S&L Crisis, the Iran-Contra Scandal or EuroDisney.
8) 43% of Perot voters think he looks like Santa Claus.
7) Taxes could drop since he would be paid in Cuban centavo money.
6) Drab green fatigues guarantee the vital “Generation X” vote.
5) He wouldn’t mess up the White House with stinking pets!
4) To help defeat obscure Item 12b, on the Contract for America: “Free pony rides for the rich.”
3) Since Spanish is becoming the most common language in the U.S. more people would understand his speeches.
2) So Newt Gingrich won’t be lying when he says there are socialists in the White House.
And the Number One reason for Help Draft Fidel for President:
1) Cigars for everyone!
Happy Surfing, Ely. Viva el Presidente Fidel!
Return to Index of Beginning of the Road Column